Chapter 44: Keep Walking Forward… Forever

The gold and silver jewelry counters on the first floor were brilliantly lit. The accessories in the glass cabinets refracted fine, fragmented rays of light, dazzling to the eyes. Diamond rings, necklaces, bracelets—a superb collection of beautiful things, revealing exquisite romance everywhere.

Seeing Lu Zhiyan walk inside without hesitation, the confusion in Shen Yu’s heart grew even greater. Yet he didn’t ask any more questions, merely quietly following beside him. His gaze fell on his profile, the depths of his eyes full of indulgence. He knew Lu Zhiyan always had many clever ideas, yet he would never expose him, only willing to accompany him in his messing around.

Lu Zhiyan stopped his footsteps in front of a long-established jewelry counter. His gaze fell onto a platinum ring inside the glass cabinet.

It was a minimalist, plain band ring, without any superfluous decorations. There was only a circle of fine frosted texture, low-key and durable. The cool white luster was warm and gentle. Back then, at his very first glance, he felt that this ring would definitely look very good worn on Shen Yu’s hand.

This was originally a gift he had hidden for a long time and had wanted to give to Shen Yu early on. It was just that the him back then was too cowardly, consistently not daring to face his own heart. The purchased ring was kept locked by him in the deepest part of his drawer, like a secret of the heart that didn’t dare to see the light of day, quietly slumbering. Until Shen Yu turned into a handful of cold ashes, until there was no longer that person in this world who could make him lower his head, make him sink into depravity…

“Please take this out for me to see.”

Lu Zhiyan pointed at that ring and said to the sales clerk, his tone carrying a bit of expectation.

The sales clerk smiled and agreed, taking out the ring and handing it over. The cool white ring lay in a velvet box, glowing with a warm luster. Lu Zhiyan took it, turning his head to look at Shen Yu. His tone carried a bit of unquestionable stubbornness, his eyes sparkling bright:

“Give me your hand.”

Shen Yu was stunned for a moment, subconsciously looking at the sales clerk. He saw the sales clerk’s gaze shifting back and forth between the two of them, carrying a trace of almost imperceptible probing. He gently shrank back slightly, afraid that those probing gazes would scorch Lu Zhiyan, afraid that the person would be embarrassed because of it.

What made his heart panic even more was that he simply couldn’t dare believe Lu Zhiyan would give him a ring. He had long since accepted his fate that he was nothing more than one of Lu Zhiyan’s many bedmates—summoned at will and dismissed at a wave of a hand. The gentleness of these past two days was more like a beautiful dream he had stolen. He had previously not even dared to think about it; how could he dare to extravagantly hope for more?

“Give me your hand.”

Lu Zhiyan said it again. His tone carried a bit of dominance as he directly grabbed Shen Yu’s wrist. His force wasn’t great, yet it carried an irrefutable firmness, his eyes completely full of earnestness.

He didn’t care about the gazes of others. [Read on RanaTranslations🌸] He just wanted to give the very best things to the person before his eyes. He wanted to let Shen Yu know that he wasn’t acting on a whim. He truly wanted to be together with him, wanted to live a lifetime with him.

Shen Yu’s hand was held by him. The warm touch made that person instantly stiffen.

Holding the ring, Lu Zhiyan’s gaze was focused, falling onto Shen Yu’s hand. A shallow smile was pursed at the corners of his mouth. Cautiously, he slid it onto his ring finger, his fingertips gently caressing his knuckles. The movement was impossibly gentle, as if treating a rare treasure at the tip of his heart.

Shen Yu’s fingertips trembled slightly. The depths of his eyes were full of shock, as if he didn’t dare believe his own eyes.

The size was neither too big nor too small, just right, exactly as if it were tailor-made for him. The cool white ring made Shen Yu’s hand look even more slender and beautiful. The distinct knuckles revealed a vibe of abstinent sexiness.

“Looks good.”

Lu Zhiyan scrutinized the ring on his hand, the depths of his eyes entirely filled with a satisfied smile. His fingertips gently caressed the texture of the ring, his tone carrying a bit of admiration, “It suits you very well.”

“This…”

Looking at the ring on his hand, Shen Yu felt somewhat panicked in his heart. He subconsciously tried to take it off, his tone carrying a bit of urgency, “It’s too expensive, let’s not buy it. It’s too much of a waste.”

The price of this ring, to them who were still in school, was definitely not a small sum.

“Waste what.”

A single ring—how could it be enough to offset those hardships Shen Yu had once suffered for his sake?

Lu Zhiyan looked at the panic deep in Shen Yu’s eyes, his heart softening into an absolute mess. Yet, with a gentle gaze, he stubbornly held onto his decision. He directly pulled out a card from his wallet, handing it to the sales clerk, his tone crisp and neat, “Swipe the card.”

Shen Yu watched his crisp and neat movements, watched his appearance of handing over the card without hesitation. His heart was both shocked and warm, and also carried an indescribable sourness.

After Lu Zhiyan finished paying, he stuffed the ring box into Shen Yu’s hand, only to hear that person open his mouth lowly, his voice still carrying a bit of choking:

“Spending so much money…”

“It’s fine.”

Lu Zhiyan interrupted him. His fingertips gently brushed past the ring on his hand. The depths of his eyes carried a gentle smile, as if brimming with starlight, “It’s a belated birthday present for you. For your birthday this year, I didn’t give you a present. I was just thinking of waiting until I had saved enough money, and then personally bringing you to pick one out.”

For so many years, he hadn’t properly prepared birthday presents for Shen Yu more than a few times. Especially after starting university, he always deliberately brushed it off perfunctorily, even stingy with opening his mouth to say a decent birthday wish.

But Shen Yu was different. Every year for his birthday, that person would quietly prepare long in advance, earnestly and meticulously picking out a present, writing wishes stroke by stroke, placing his birthday right at the tip of his heart.

He remembered back when he was studying for his master’s degree, there was one time for his birthday when he was drinking with a group of friends in a bar, deliberately tossing all of Shen Yu’s wishes to the back of his mind.

Shen Yu waited downstairs at his dorm building for a whole night, holding a cake in his hands. In the end, the cake melted, and he still didn’t wait until the person arrived. He could only leave the birthday present with the dorm auntie.

When he returned to the dorm drunk and learned everything from the dorm auntie’s mouth, a wave of muffled pain instantly surged in his chest, making it so he couldn’t catch his breath at all. Yet he still forced himself to endure it, pretending not to care at all in front of his friends, even letting out a low sneer.

It wasn’t until he was left completely alone that he finally dared to cautiously unwrap that gift box. Seeing a light gray scarf quietly lying inside—the stitches fine and dense, soft and warm.

That was knitted for him by Shen Yu personally, stitch by stitch.

In the days that followed, he always loved wearing that scarf. No matter how cold the biting wind was, as long as he bundled himself into that patch of light gray, he felt inexplicably reassured.

Even later, when he went abroad, separated by thousands of mountains and rivers. On nights when his longing couldn’t be suppressed, he would quietly dig out that scarf, gently caressing it, meticulously looking at it over and over again.

Yet over and over again, he forced himself to suppress those surging feelings, pressing them down to the darkest place at the bottom of his heart, the place he dared not touch the most.

He had thought of throwing away that scarf countless times, throwing away his heavy past, severing all connections, continuing to deceive himself and others by saying he had never loved.

But every time his fingertips touched that soft and warm wool, he just couldn’t steel his heart to do it no matter what.

Now thinking back on it again, all that remained was a patch of bone-piercing, agonizing pain.

Lu Zhiyan took a deep breath, trying hard to press down the churning sourness deep in his eyes. He raised his hand and gently rubbed the hair by Shen Yu’s ear. His voice was pressed extremely light, carrying a bit of cautious apprehension: “What’s wrong, you don’t like it?”

He was afraid Shen Yu would refuse, afraid that his own heartfelt intention would be treated as a burden.

“No.”

Shen Yu hurriedly shook his head. His fingertips tightly gripped the ring box, his knuckles even turning white. His voice still carried a bit of choking, “I like it.”

He liked it incredibly much, liked it until his heart felt as if it had been filled up by something, almost overflowing.

Lu Zhiyan looked at his reddened eye sockets, his heart softening into an absolute mess. He leaned close to Shen Yu’s ear. His voice was deep and gentle, carrying a bit of cautious expectation, as if afraid of disturbing something:

“A’Yu, my birthday is coming up soon. For this year’s birthday present, I don’t want anything else. I just want you to personally knit a scarf for me, okay? When the weather is cold, I will wear it every day, just like you are staying by my side accompanying me.”

Shen Yu’s eyelashes fluttered gently. He raised his eyes to look at him, the depths of his eyes brimming with fine, fragmented light. His voice was as light as a feather, yet he answered extremely earnestly:

“Okay, I will go learn how to knit.”

Lu Zhiyan’s heart clenched once more. His fingertips gently pinched his wrist, the force kept extremely soft. His eyes hid the cherishment and unease of recovering what was lost. He paused, before continuing softly:

“Also… tomorrow when you go back to school, that ring you gave me before, return it to me, okay? I want it.”

He spoke very slowly, every single word carrying a cautious plea. It was as if that wasn’t a ring, but their youth that could never be lost again.

Shen Yu violently raised his head, his eyes full of surprise, as if he didn’t dare believe his own ears.

That ring was bought using the pocket money he had saved up for a long time during their senior year of high school. It was also the very best thing he could take out at that time.

He remembered very clearly, when he gave the ring to Lu Zhiyan, the other party disdainfully said it was ugly, and casually tossed it into the pile of presents from classmates beside him.

His heart instantly felt like it was being twisted by a knife, yet he said nothing. He could only silently take advantage of when no one was paying attention to secretly take the ring back. He kept it hidden by his side the whole time, and in a flash… two years had passed. He thought Lu Zhiyan had long since forgotten, yet he didn’t expect him to still remember, to even know that the ring had been secretly taken back by him, and to even… want it back.

Looking at the sincerity deep in Lu Zhiyan’s eyes, looking at the expectation in his eyes, Shen Yu’s Adam’s apple bobbed. [Read on RanaTranslations🌸] His heart felt as if it had been blocked by something, sour yet warm. Ultimately, he gently nodded, his voice carrying a bit of hoarseness:

“Okay.”

When they came out of the mall, the night color was already deep.

The two got on a bus back to the university town. There were quite a few people on the bus. With quick eyes and hands, Lu Zhiyan snagged the last double seat, pulling Shen Yu over to sit down.

He carried a smile on his face. His mood was clearly very good, and the depths of his eyes were full of gentleness.

As soon as Shen Yu sat down, he felt the person beside him leaning closer toward his side. Their arms pressed tightly together, and the warm touch transmitted over, making his heart tremble.

The bus slowly started moving. More and more people got on along the way, and the carriage gradually became crowded. The noisy voices and the sound of the engine mixed together, yet they didn’t affect the atmosphere between the two of them in the slightest.

Under the cover of the crowd, in the blind spots of others’ vision, Lu Zhiyan gently held Shen Yu’s hand.

His fingertips were somewhat scalding hot. His heart beat extremely fast, as if it were going to jump out of his chest, yet he still stubbornly gripped Shen Yu’s hand even tighter.

He could feel the ice-cold touch of the ring on Shen Yu’s hand, could feel the temperature of his palm. In that moment, he truly wished to just keep walking forward like this… forever…