Chapter 58: A Bit Tired

The summer in Beicheng was in full swing. The parasol tree leaves outside the window were layered upon layers, wilted and soft from the scorching sun. Occasionally, a breeze would sweep past, rolling up only a dull wave of heat, and even the cicada chirps carried a sense of weariness.

Lu Zhiyan’s body was recovering faster and faster. The doctor said he could be discharged in another week. The smiles on Li Mei and Lu Zhiyuan’s faces grew increasingly broader as they began to busy themselves with packing and planning their life after discharge.

Shen Yu still came to the hospital punctually every day, only he was even more silent than before.

This morning, when Shen Yu arrived carrying the thermos bucket, Lu Zhiyan was doing rehabilitation training. Li Mei was helping on the side. Seeing Shen Yu arrive, she said with a smile:

“Little Yu is here, hurry and rest for a bit. [Read on RanaTranslations🌸] I just finished helping Yanyan with his stretching, look at how well he’s recovering, the doctor said he can be discharged in another week.”

Shen Yu nodded, a faint smile appearing on his face. He set the thermos bucket on the table and walked quickly forward, reaching out to gently take over Li Mei’s work, his tone gentle yet carrying an undeniable earnestness:

“Auntie Li, let me do it, you rest.”

As he spoke, his gaze fell on Lu Zhiyan’s legs, carrying a trace of imperceptible heartache, yet he quickly moved it away, as if afraid of being seen through.

Lu Zhiyan’s Adam’s apple bobbed. He quickly looked away toward the window, his heart feeling as if it were blocked by something, both sour and astringent.

After a while, the nurse came to change the dressing. When she unwrapped the bandage on Lu Zhiyan’s wrist, it revealed the hideous wound inside. It was wounded during the car accident, deep enough to see bone. Although it had already scabbed over, it had left behind a long scar, like an ugly centipede crawling on his wrist.

Shen Yu stood to the side. When he saw that scar, his pupils violently constricted, and a flash of intense heartache and imperceptible panic crossed his eyes. He subconsciously spoke up, his voice carrying a slight, imperceptible tremble:

“How was it injured so severely? Will it leave a scar?”

The nurse said while changing the dressing:

“The wound was too deep, leaving a scar is certain. But the recovery is considered quite good, you can use some scar removal ointment later, it can fade it somewhat.”

Shen Yu’s gaze was fixed tightly on that scar, his fingers slightly curled, as if suppressing some emotion.

Lu Zhiyan looked at Shen Yu’s pale complexion. His heart skipped a beat, and he hurriedly retracted his hand, his tone carrying a trace of deliberate indifference:

“Just a small wound, it doesn’t matter if it leaves a scar. [Read on RanaTranslations🌸] I don’t care about these things.”

Shen Yu violently regained his senses. Looking at his deliberately evasive appearance, the heartache in his eyes was instantly covered by a layer of loneliness. He nodded, his voice low:

“Mhm, be careful not to get it wet, don’t let it get infected.”

After speaking, he turned and walked to the window, standing with his back to Lu Zhiyan, his shoulders held tight. Lu Zhiyan looked at his back, his heart feeling a tug of pain. He knew he had hurt Shen Yu again, but he could only be like this.

At noon when it was time to eat, Chu Xiyao arrived.

Her makeup was exquisite and appropriate, long hair draped over her shoulders, her brows and eyes gentle. She carried an exquisite food box. When she entered the ward, a warm, gentle smile was on her face:

“Auntie, Uncle, I’m here to visit Zhiyan.”

Li Mei and Lu Zhiyuan hurriedly set down their bowls and chopsticks, smiling and responding. They had an excellent impression of Chu Xiyao.

Seeing Chu Xiyao, Shen Yu showed a gentle smile, stepping forward to take the food box from her hand:

“Why are you here? Didn’t I tell you to get a good rest this weekend?”

“I had nothing to do at home, so I thought I’d come take a look.”

Chu Xiyao’s gaze landed on Lu Zhiyan, carrying a trace of sincere concern, “Zhiyan, how do you feel? A bit better?”

Lu Zhiyan nodded, a gentle smile hanging on the corners of his mouth:

“Much better, thank you, Xiyao.”

Chu Xiyao smiled, took a small plate of twice-cooked pork out of the food box, along with a few other exquisite side dishes, and placed them on the dining table that had already been laid out in front of Lu Zhiyan, putting them together with the lunch Li Mei had made:

“This is the twice-cooked pork I specifically made, but I don’t know if it suits your taste.”

Lu Zhiyan’s heart violently shrank. He hadn’t expected Chu Xiyao to know he loved eating twice-cooked pork.

Shen Yu stood to the side, watching Chu Xiyao’s gentle appearance, and then looking at Lu Zhiyan’s somewhat pale complexion, a trace of complex emotion flashing in the depths of his eyes.

Lu Zhiyan forced himself to pull out a gentle smile, hurriedly thanking her:

“Thank you. It looks delicious just by looking at it.”

He raised his hand, his fingertips trembling slightly and imperceptibly. Picking up his chopsticks, he picked up a small piece and slowly put it into his mouth, chewing meticulously.

The familiar taste permeated between his lips and teeth, almost exactly the same as in his memory. He instantly understood that this was a recipe Chu Xiyao had learned from Shen Yu. But even if it was similar, it was ultimately lacking a bit in the cooking heat, not as suited to his taste buds as what Shen Yu made.

Threads of dull pain quietly spread to the bottom of his heart. Clearly it was his favorite taste, yet at this moment, only sharp, heart-piercing sourness remained. Every mouthful he swallowed felt like he was being sliced piece by piece on the tip of his heart with a dull knife. Yet he still forced himself to raise a smile, praising Chu Xiyao’s good craftsmanship one mouthful after another, eating on and on.

Very quickly, the meal was eaten until it was completely clean. Seeing him eat so heartily, Chu Xiyao’s face was brimming with happy smiles.

Shen Yu watched quietly from the side from beginning to end, his gaze landing on Lu Zhiyan’s slightly pale side profile, his eyes sinking with complex emotions, saying nothing.

After the meal, Chu Xiyao accompanied Li Mei and Lu Zhiyuan to chat for a while before rising to take her leave.

Shen Yu sent her to the ward door. The two stood in the corridor talking. It was unknown what Chu Xiyao said; Shen Yu nodded, a gentle smile appearing on his face.

Lu Zhiyan leaned against the head of the bed, his gaze uncontrollably peering through the crack in the door at the two in the corridor. A talented man and a beautiful woman, looking as compatible as a painting. His heart violently tugged, hurting until he could barely breathe, and he hurriedly turned his face away to look out the window. His expression remained expressionless, only the slightly reddened corners of his eyes quietly revealing the bitterness at the bottom of his heart.

When Shen Yu returned, Lu Zhiyuan and Li Mei had just walked out of the ward, preparing to go home to get some things. He listened to the instructions of the two elders, looked at the backs of the two elders as they left, and a trace of entanglement spread in the depths of his eyes. He stood in silence at the door hesitating for a long time before gently pushing the door and entering the ward.

As soon as he entered, he saw Lu Zhiyan leaning against the head of the bed, his complexion frighteningly pale, his eyes looking out the window hollowly.

His heart violently tightened, and he walked over quickly:

“A’Yan, what’s wrong with you? Are you feeling unwell somewhere?”

Lu Zhiyan strove to avoid his gaze, his voice hoarse:

“Nothing.”

Shen Yu looked at him, his heart throbbing. Subconsciously, he reached out wanting to touch his face, but violently retracted it. His voice carried a trace of cautious probing:

“Is it… because Xiyao coming made you uncomfortable?”

Lu Zhiyan’s Adam’s apple bobbed. He shook his head, his tone cold and hard:

“No, Miss Chu is very good, you two are very compatible.”

This sentence was like an ice awl, ruthlessly stabbing into Shen Yu’s heart. He looked at Lu Zhiyan’s cold side profile, looked at the undisguised alienation in the depths of his eyes. A dull pain spread densely in his chest.

He opened his mouth, wanting to say something, but ultimately said nothing.

“Shen Yu, from now on, let’s keep our distance.”

Lu Zhiyan’s voice was very light, yet revealed firm resoluteness. After speaking, he gently closed his eyes, clearly unwilling to talk anymore.

The atmosphere in the ward instantly solidified, leaving only the sound of their light breathing, and the ticking of the instruments, dull enough to make one unable to breathe.

Shen Yu looked at Lu Zhiyan’s tightly closed eyes, looked at his pale and exhausted face, his heart hurting beyond measure. He was full of things left unsaid, but ultimately clenched his fists tightly and spoke no more.

When Li Mei and Lu Zhiyuan returned, Shen Yu made an excuse that the company had urgent matters, and hurriedly left.

After he left, Li Mei looked at Lu Zhiyan, who had his eyes closed with a pale complexion and an exhausted look, sighed, sat by the bedside, and gently patted his hand:

“Yanyan, Mom knows you feel bad inside. Is it that you can’t bear to leave your work in the US? Sigh… Actually, your Dad and I are still quite robust. When that day really comes, your Dad and I have discussed it—at worst, we’ll go live in a nursing home, you don’t need to worry. Once your body is rested and recovered, just go back to the US with peace of mind.”

Lu Zhiyan slowly opened his eyes, looking at the unhideable heartache in the depths of his mother’s eyes. The emotions he had accumulated for so long finally broke their dam, and tears silently rolled down, soaking the pillow towel. “Mom, am I very useless?”

“Silly child, what silly things are you saying.”

Li Mei wiped away his tears in heartache, her voice so soft it could drip water, “You have always been Mom’s pride. So excellent, so promising, many people envy me for having such a good son. Mom only hopes you won’t push yourself too hard alone in a foreign country, take good care of yourself, be safe, and be happy; like that, your Dad and I will be satisfied.”

Lu Zhiyan merely shook his head desperately, his tears falling even more fiercely. His heart was so blocked he couldn’t say a single complete sentence. Those unspeakable grievances, struggles, and pain all transformed into silent tears, crashing onto the bedding, and also crashing into his heart.

That night, Lu Zhiyan almost didn’t sleep all night. He wrapped himself dead-tight in silence, neither daring to face his parents’ worry nor daring to face his own heart.

In the next two days, Shen Yu still came every day, only he became increasingly silent and cautious. Lu Zhiyan continued to maintain an indifferent attitude, not looking at him, not speaking to him, as if getting along with a stranger.

On the day of discharge, the weather was very good, the sun was bright, dispelling the gloom of the past few days. Lu Zhiyuan went to handle the discharge procedures, and Li Mei was packing up things.

Shen Yu gently handed a light summer T-shirt to Lu Zhiyan.

Lu Zhiyan silently took it, turned his back, and slowly took off his hospital gown. His movements were somewhat sluggish. The hideous scar on his wrist looked exceptionally glaring against his thin back figure.

Shen Yu subconsciously looked away, yet couldn’t restrain himself; his gaze gently landed on his thin shoulder lines and that scar. [Read on RanaTranslations🌸] His knuckles clenched slightly, and the heartache churning in the depths of his eyes almost overflowed.

Lu Zhiyan put on the T-shirt and slightly turned his body wanting to tidy the hem of his clothes. Shen Yu hurriedly stepped forward, wanting to reach out to help him, but Lu Zhiyan, as if scalded, swiftly turned sideways to avoid him.

Shen Yu’s hand froze in mid-air. The bit of cautious gentleness in the depths of his eyes sank bit by bit, ultimately only turning into a patch of silent loneliness.

Lu Zhiyan’s heart felt as if it had been pricked by a needle, faintly aching. He hurriedly turned his head to the side, striving to avoid Shen Yu’s gaze, propping himself against the head of the bed to stand up slowly. His legs were still a bit weak. Shen Yu subconsciously reached out wanting to support him, then violently retracted his hand, only standing to the side, his gaze tightly staring at him, deeply afraid he would fall.

Lu Zhiyuan returned, saying the procedures were done and they could go. Shen Yu picked up the packed luggage and followed behind them, walking out of the ward together.

On the way home in the car, Lu Zhiyan kept leaning against the car window in a daze. The scenery outside the window retreated at high speed, yet his brain was a chaotic mess, unable to hold anything in. Only the sight of Shen Yu’s hand frozen in mid-air in the ward, and those eyes that had sunk, remained, impossible to get rid of.

Entering the house, Shen Yu set down the luggage. The two elders invited him to sit in the living room for a bit, but he declined, saying he had to hurry back to the company to handle things. After speaking, he turned around and looked at Lu Zhiyan. After hesitating for a moment, he cautiously spoke:

“A’Yan, rest and recover well. If there’s anything… you can call me.”

Lu Zhiyan lowered his head, the depths of his eyes calm and waveless. After a long while, he silently nodded gently.

Shen Yu looked at him, opened his mouth, wanting to say something more, but ultimately said nothing, only bobbing his Adam’s apple. After softly saying goodbye to the two elders, he turned around and left.

Lu Zhiyan watched Shen Yu’s back figure disappear behind the door. The door was gently closed by that person, emitting a muffled, light sound. He knew, from this moment on, between him and Shen Yu, there truly was only a short distance that felt like the ends of the earth left.

His heart felt as if a large chunk had been forcefully gouged out. His body trembled slightly, hurting until he could barely stand.

Li Mei sensed his abnormality and hurriedly stepped forward to support him:

“Yanyan, what’s wrong? Is there anywhere you’re feeling uncomfortable?”

Lu Zhiyan shook his head, forcing out a smile:

“Nothing, Mom, I’m just a bit tired, want to go back to my room and lie down for a while.”

Hearing this, Lu Zhiyuan hurriedly stepped forward, steadily supporting his arm, cautiously assisting him to walk toward the bedroom: “Okay, okay, okay, rest if you’re tired, don’t worry about other things.”

Entering the familiar room, everything was still as it had originally been. Lu Zhiyuan gently assisted him to lie down on the bed, covered him with a thin quilt, and instructed “Call us if there’s anything” before he and Li Mei walked out on light hands and feet.

The room door was gently closed, isolating all sounds from the outside.

Lu Zhiyan kept his eyes open, gazing at the minimalist ceiling light overhead. His vision blurred bit by bit, his eye sockets uncontrollably heating up and turning red.

He slowly rolled over, pulled out the pillow, clutched it into his embrace, and buried his entire face deep inside.

The fabric was very soft, still retaining the temperature of the sun, yet it had long since lost the faint lemon scent that person had once left behind in his memories.

He remembered holding Shen Yu here, rubbing him gently with the tip of his nose; remembered that ambiguous phone call, remembered the whispers of that person through the handset that were impossibly gentle, along with those kisses that were as light as feathers yet burned into the bottom of his heart; he also remembered that person once gently and forcefully loving and cherishing him here, entwined with him until their breaths intertwined, into his bones and heart.

Those images surged up scene by scene, sweet until they were glaring, and painful until they heart-gougingly hurt. Tears couldn’t be controlled anymore as they surged and rolled down, soaking a large patch of the pillowcase.

Lu Zhiyan dead-tightly bit the pillow, burying all the whimpers and heartbreak into the fabric. His shoulders trembled violently. He cried heart-rendingly, yet didn’t dare to let out a single sound.

Must not let Mom and Dad hear.

Must not let anyone see.

He could only bury all his grievances, love, longing, and despair into this one small pillow, bearing it alone—silently, collapsing—crying until his entire body went limp, crying until his heart felt as if it had been ruthlessly wrung into pieces, never to be pieced back into its original appearance ever again.