Chapter 54: Promise Me

There were many people in the restaurant, and the atmosphere of bustling life was thick. The two managed to find a quiet, secluded corner to sit down with great difficulty. Blocked by green plants, it was hidden and quiet.

The dishes were served relatively slowly, and the two didn’t rush them, just sitting quietly together, talking in low voices about this and that.

The surrounding voices were noisy, bowls and chopsticks colliding, but around them, it was as if a small, quiet world belonging only to each other had been partitioned off. Even the wait became gentle.

Not long after, the dishes were finally brought to the table one by one. The stir-fried beef was bright in color, tender and not tough; the steamed sea bass was fresh, smooth, and flavorful; the sweet and sour pork tenderloin was sweet, sour, and enticing; the tomato and egg soup floated with emerald green chopped scallions, its aroma assailing the nose.

Lu Zhiyan first picked up a chopstick-full of stir-fried beef and placed it into Shen Yu’s bowl. The chopsticks touched the porcelain bowl, letting out a soft clink:

“Try it, the cooking time of this place is just right.”

Shen Yu took a bite. The meat’s aroma exploded in his mouth. The depths of his eyes instantly lit up, and he nodded, saying:

“It really is delicious.”

He also picked up a piece of sweet and sour pork tenderloin for Lu Zhiyan. The tenderloin, wrapped in a thick sauce, was handed to his mouth:

“Your favorite, eat more. Studying has been hard on you.”

Lu Zhiyan opened his mouth smugly, taking in that piece of tenderloin, looking at him with curved brows and eyes:

“It’s still A’Yu who dotes on me. It’s so good to have you.”

Shen Yu’s cheeks felt slightly hot. He picked up a mouthful of rice, put it in his mouth, and chewed meticulously, yet the tips of his ears still flushed red.

Lu Zhiyan deliberately leaned closer to tease him again. He picked up a piece of fish and put it into his bowl, his voice placed soft and mushy:

“A’Yu, feed me one more bite, okay? Just one bite.”

Shen Yu raised his eyes, carrying a doting smile in his eyes. He picked up another piece of sweet and sour pork tenderloin and handed it to his mouth, his voice gentle:

“Hurry up and eat, stop fooling around, or we won’t catch the last bus in a while.”

Lu Zhiyan opened his mouth and bit down, even deliberately giving a gentle lick to the tips of his chopsticks. It provoked Shen Yu’s eyelashes to tremble slightly, swiftly withdrawing his chopsticks, yet subconsciously slowly putting them between his lips, giving them a gentle lick.

The evening wind gradually turned cool. The twilight dyed the bus stop gentle and quiet.

Lu Zhiyan held Shen Yu’s hand, his fingertips clasped very tightly, reluctant to loosen even half a fraction.

“See you at nine tomorrow.”

Lu Zhiyan tilted his head up slightly to look at him, the depths of his eyes still brimming with un-dissipated sweetness, “I’ll bring you a hot mocha.”

Shen Yu gave a soft “Mhm”. His fingertips clasped his hand in reverse, his finger pads caressing the back of his hand bit by bit, impossibly gentle. Just as he wanted to add another instruction to be careful on the road back tonight, the face of the person before his eyes suddenly turned pale.

Lu Zhiyan’s lips instantly lost their blood color. His originally bright eyes violently darkened. His body swayed uncontrollably, as if all the strength in his body had been drained away in an instant.

Shen Yu’s heart sank violently. Almost immediately, he reached out and tightly supported his going-limp waist. His voice was wrapped in unsuppressible panic and worry:

“A’Yan! What’s wrong? Are you feeling unwell somewhere?”

Lu Zhiyan leaned in his embrace, his vision going black in waves. He was terribly dizzy, his stomach churning like a storm-tossed sea. That familiar muffled pain in his chest abruptly exploded, more violent and ice-cold than any time before, like countless fine needles ruthlessly stabbing into his heart.

He rested for a long while before barely managing to catch his breath. Cold sweat slid down his forehead, soaking the fragmented hair at his temples. He waved his hand weakly, his voice so light it trembled:

“It’s nothing… nothing major…”

After speaking, he tried hard to take a few deep breaths, wanting to alleviate the discomfort churning in his body. [Read on RanaTranslations🌸] But that sense of discomfort was like ice-cold, bone-piercing vines, crazily entangling his heart, tightening more and more, bringing an almost near-death panic.

He raised his eyes and stared dead at Shen Yu’s eyes that had turned red with worry. Seeing this person whose heart and eyes were entirely filled with him, his eye sockets instantly grew hot. His throat was blocked until it hurt. He almost blurted out, carrying a desperate plea, along with a trace of despair that even he himself couldn’t suppress:

“A’Yu, let’s go to a hotel… Let’s not go home tonight, I want to stay together with you.”

Shen Yu froze for a moment. Looking at the unhideable fragility deep in his eyes, his heart violently tightened, and even his complexion changed:

“You’re not feeling well physically, how about you go home to rest? I’ll take you back.”

“I don’t want to go back.”

Lu Zhiyan gripped his hand tightly, the force so great that his knuckles turned white. [Read on RanaTranslations🌸] His gaze was so stubborn it made the tip of one’s heart ache, “A’Yu, I just want to stay together with you. Accompany me, okay…”

The two looked at each other for a moment. Shen Yu looked at the unease and reliance almost overflowing from the depths of his eyes. Ultimately unable to out-stubborn him, he let out a gentle sigh of heartache. His voice was soft into an absolute mess:

“Okay.”

They separately called their homes. Lu Zhiyan faced the handset, his voice trying his best to pretend to be relaxed:

“Mom, I’m sleeping at A’Yu’s house tonight. We still have to go to the library to look up materials early tomorrow morning. It’s too troublesome to run back and forth, so I won’t be going back. You and Dad rest early.”

Li Mei didn’t think much of it either, instructing:

“Then behave yourself, don’t cause trouble for your Uncle Shen and Auntie Liu, and let Little Yu sleep early too.”

“Don’t worry, how old am I already.”

Hanging up the phone, Shen Yu supported Lu Zhiyan as they walked toward a nearby hotel. The warm yellow light of the streetlights stretched their shadows very long.

Upon entering the room, Lu Zhiyan heavily leaned into Shen Yu’s embrace as if he had lost all his strength. His entire body felt cold, unable to even stand steady. Cold sweat soaked his base layer clothes, clinging to his body in a patch of ice-coldness.

Shen Yu supported him to lie down on the soft bed. He reached out to feel his forehead, and gently wiped away the cold sweat seeping out on it. His tone was full of worry:

“A’Yan, still feeling unwell? Do you want to go to the hospital right now? I’ll take you to the emergency room.”

Lu Zhiyan shook his head. He shrank back into his embrace, gripping the corner of his clothes as if grasping a life-saving straw, greedily absorbing the temperature on his body:

“No need, I’m already much better, I’m fine. I just want to hug you, A’Yu, let me hug you.”

He was truly so afraid, afraid that this was the last time holding Shen Yu like this, afraid that if he closed his eyes, he would thoroughly turn to ashes and vanish like smoke.

Shen Yu hugged him tightly, his palm gently smoothing down his spine stroke by stroke, patient and gentle. Only when he felt the breathing of the person in his embrace gradually steady, and his cheeks slowly recover their blood color, no longer trembling uncomfortably like just now, did he slightly relax his shoulder line which had been taut the whole time.

“A’Yu…”

Lu Zhiyan called him gently, his voice carrying a grieved nasal tone.

“Mhm, I’m here.”

Shen Yu lowered his head and kissed the top of his hair. His voice was very light, his tone revealing unhideable heartache and lingering fear.

“Hug me, okay?”

Lu Zhiyan tilted his head up to look at him. [Read on RanaTranslations🌸] The depths of his eyes flushed red, carrying a plea, as well as a trace of despair that Shen Yu couldn’t understand, like a lost child.

Shen Yu hesitated, his fingertips gently caressing his sweat-drenched hair, expressing his concern:

“But your body…”

“I’m already fine, not uncomfortable anymore, really. Hug me. I want you to hug me.”

Lu Zhiyan looked at him with a stubborn gaze, carrying an irrefutable plea.

【Please love me one last time… A’Yu…】

Shen Yu ultimately couldn’t out-stubborn him, he lowered his head and kissed his lips. His movements were impossibly gentle, as cautious as if treating a fragile piece of colored glaze, deeply afraid that even a slight exertion of force would shatter him.

Skin pressing together, deep copulation. There was no intense ramming, only gentle lingering affection. Every kiss carried ultimate cherishment and heartache. Fingertips gently traced past the other’s spine, carrying cautious probing, as if wanting to carve each other’s temperature into their bones and blood, branding it into the deepest part of their souls.

The air was full of tender feelings, yet it revealed a trace of indescribable sourness…

Afterwards, Lu Zhiyan leaned in Shen Yu’s embrace panting heavily. His entire body lacked strength, yet his consciousness was exceptionally clear.

The discomfort in his chest surged up again, growing stronger and stronger. Like a tide, it repeatedly washed over his nerves, carrying a bone-piercing chill. Spreading from his four limbs and hundreds of bones, it froze him until his teeth chattered.

He bit his lip dead-tight, not allowing himself to let out a single sound of pain. But the emotions churning at the bottom of his heart were even more heart-rending than the pain on his body.

Regret.

Overwhelming regret almost drowned his entire person.

If he had known earlier, if he had known earlier that exchanging his life could only bring back a short half-year of time, he wouldn’t have returned to Beicheng back then no matter what.

He would have stuck by Shen Yu’s side every moment, lingering in life-and-death intimacy with him every night, throwing a lifetime’s worth of gentleness, doting, and madness entirely onto that person, not wasting a single minute or second.

Yet in the next second, he ruthlessly spat on himself.

No, it couldn’t be like this.

If he had known earlier that the ending would be like this, he simply shouldn’t have gone to Haicheng.

He shouldn’t have doted on Shen Yu to the heavens, only to ruthlessly smash him into hell; he shouldn’t have given him a heart and eyes full of hope, only to personally snuff it out in the end, making that person plunge into boundless despair once again.

This kind of love was too cruel, and hurt people too much.

Perhaps… he was destined to only be a tribulation in Shen Yu’s life. Unable to give him long-lasting happiness and stability, only bringing him countless pains and unhealable scars.

He really should have hardened his heart from the very beginning, ruthlessly severing all connections and hopes. No longer teasing, no longer approaching, no longer appearing. Letting Shen Yu completely and thoroughly give up on him, to go meet a person who could accompany him peacefully and stably until old age, staying together for a lifetime.

His heart felt as if it had been ruthlessly clenched tight by an invisible hand, even his breathing carrying a bloody taste.

He was so afraid, afraid that he would just leave like this, leaving Shen Yu a short and brilliant beautiful dream. After waking up from the dream, only Shen Yu would be left all alone in the endless darkness, facing that ruthless and selfish him from the past, wishing for death in pain, turning to mud and ashes……

He didn’t want this… didn’t want this…

“A’Yu…”

He called him softly, his voice as weak as a mosquito.

“Hey, A’Yan, I’m here, I’m always here.”

Shen Yu hugged him tightly, resting his forehead against his. Reaching out to caress his cheek, his voice was full of gentleness, as well as unhideable worry, “A’Yan, feeling unwell again?”

Lu Zhiyan shook his head gently. His voice was very light, carrying a trace of imperceptible trembling, “If I change when I wake up tomorrow, don’t be sad, okay?”

Tears slid down silently, soaking Shen Yu’s fingertips.

His heart tightened, as if it had been ruthlessly wrenched by something. He cupped Lu Zhiyan’s face, the pads of his fingers gently wiping away his tears. His eyes were full of worry and confusion, his voice tight:

“Why are you saying such words? You’re perfectly fine, how could you change? Don’t let your imagination run wild.”

“Promise me.”

Lu Zhiyan stared into his eyes, his gaze so stubborn it made one’s heart ache. Tears blurred his vision, yet he refused to look away.

“Okay, I promise you, I won’t be sad.”

Shen Yu could only nod, his fingertips trembling slightly, his heart aching terribly.

“If I treat you badly,” Lu Zhiyan’s voice grew lighter and lighter, his eye sockets flushing red, his breath also growing weaker and weaker, “just forget me… Find someone who loves you, who treats you well, live a good life, and never care about me again, got it?”

“A’Yan, don’t talk nonsense,” Shen Yu hugged him tightly, his tone panicked, his voice carrying choking sobs, “I’ll take you to the hospital, we’ll go right now.”

Lu Zhiyan hurriedly reached out to stop him, “Not going…”

Before his voice fell, an intense dizziness suddenly assaulted him. The muffled pain in his chest was more violent than any time before.

“Ugh!”

Lu Zhiyan let out a muffled groan from the pain, his entire body trembling violently. His body grew colder and colder, like plunging into an ice cellar. His consciousness began to gradually dissipate, and Shen Yu before his eyes slowly became blurred and unclear.

“A’Yan! A’Yan what’s wrong with you?!”

Shen Yu’s voice carried panic. He held him even tighter, yet felt the person in his embrace growing cold bit by bit, his breath of life rapidly flowing away. He was so panicked he didn’t know what to do, only able to call his name over and over again, “A’Yan! A’Yan! Hold on! I’ll take you to the hospital right now! Don’t scare me!”

“A’Yu, I’m not going anywhere…”

Lu Zhiyan used up his very last bit of strength. His fingertips tightly gripped Shen Yu’s arm, his fingernails almost embedding into the flesh, “I want you to do as I said… Promise me…”

He stared dead at Shen Yu, his voice hoarse as he roared lowly: “Promise me—!”

It wasn’t until he saw Shen Yu’s figure violently stiffen, followed by a forceful nod, that he finally let out a sigh of relief. Staring at the person before his eyes with dissipated vision, the originally sharp pain in his chest gradually transformed into a patch of boundless numbness.

I’m sorry, A’Yu…

Baby… I can only accompany you up to here…

His vision suddenly went pitch black. The boundless darkness, like a black hole devouring everything, carried an irresistible force, ruthlessly sweeping him into a patch of bone-piercingly cold nothingness…